


Nice Things

by merryfortune



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! VRAINS
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post canon, Title Subject to Change
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:08:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23064478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merryfortune/pseuds/merryfortune
Summary: Ryoken notices a habit that Spectre always endeavoured to hide.
Relationships: Revolver | Kougami Ryouken/Spectre
Comments: 5
Kudos: 10





	Nice Things

Ryoken woke by accident. He hadn’t been sleeping amazingly nor had he been sleeping dreadfully; it had just been a nice and normal night, a little thin in a way but he had been appreciating the mildness of it. He turned over, so he could spoon Spectre, whose elbow was the reason he had woken accidentally as he had unexpectedly and uncontrollably shoved it towards Ryoken and his ribs. As Ryoken slotted in against Spectre, holding him slightly in the hopes of not disturbing him, Ryoken noticed something amiss.

Spectre was clutching his chest, as he slept and the usual peaceful and neutral expression that he had was twisted. He looked… malcontent, with his grimacing. He moved again, further huddling in on himself and he thoughtlessly began to suck his thumb. He still looked troubled as he slept but there was an element of self-soothing to himself, even if it seemed a touch futile as he tried to comfort himself in his sleep.

Ryoken closed his eyes, he was tired and he didn’t need to spy on Spectre as he slept, but he still found it strange as he rested his forehead against Spectre’s back. It wasn’t a habit which he knew Spectre had but the autopilot which he demonstrated alluded to its naturalness of it for himself. But that didn’t quell any light and lingering concerns that he had about Spectre but it was late. He would merely bring it up over breakfast if he sensed that there was truly something wrong with Spectre come morning. If he remembered.

But he did remember. Such musings made their way into his dreams, at the corners of vague colours and feelings and perceptions of memories which haunted him quite closely.

Ryoken waited for the right moment, in the waking world. He set the table whilst Spectre made breakfast that morning. Neither of them particularly chirpy in the luxury boat’s kitchen but it still felt within the boundaries of their normal routine. Ryoken wondered if he was making mountains out of mole hills when he sat down, empty plate in front of him on a stylish place mat, and watched Spectre make eggs and toast with bacon and thick butter. It smelt delicious; it always did. Spectre had been cooking since he was allowed to handle a knife in the household; so, about eight.

Spectre set down Ryoken’s breakfast. Ryoken looked up at him and smiled without teeth. Spectre returned the sentiment and then sat down, opposite Ryoken, with his own breakfast.

“Thank you for the food.” They both mumbled with some haphazard synchronisation.

They ate in silence but words clogged the back of Ryoken’s throat as he tried to swallow what he had been given. He really liked Spectre’s cooking but he was somehow afraid to voice that praise. So he didn’t. Until he couldn’t handle this self imposed vow of silence.

“How did you sleep last night?” Ryoken asked.

Spectre’s expression flickered and Ryoken could tell that he was being searched for the correct answer based purely on that instant of fear, quickly concealed, in Spectre’s blue eyes. It was heartbreaking but he would wait. He would be neutral, stern. And he hoped that he was conveying to Spectre that there was no incorrect answer, at the very least.

“Well.” Spectre defensibly replied.

Ryoken wanted to sigh. His hopes for the best curtly thwarted. He was being stonewalled. Not exactly lied to as Spectre valued him too much to openly deceive him but this was close. 

“Glad to hear it.” Ryoken said. “I slept well, also.”

Spectre seemed pleased with the outcome of this awkward and curt exchange. He continued to eat whilst Ryoken continued to doubt himself. Maybe it was nothing. But maybe, he thought darkly to himself as he pulled back into memories of how Spectre had gone and above and beyond for him when he had night terrors and the like in the past decade. It hurt Ryoken to know that Spectre didn’t want to have that sort of care reciprocated. It seemed that he would have to be direct after all. Even if nothing did come from it and that he was being suspicious and erratic for all the wrong reasons.

“Thank you, Spectre, I always enjoy your meals. You are an excellent cook.” Ryoken said when he finished his breakfast.

“It means a lot to me to hear that.” Spectre replied, pleasant and true.

“Let me help clean up.” Ryoken insisted.

“That’s quite alright, sir, I’m more than happy to do it alone. You seem… more intense than usual, this morning, you should go take a relaxing shower or something, Master Ryoken.” Spectre deflectively replied.

“Yes, about that,” Ryoken erred, “I am feeling a little stressed. More concerned, actually. About you.”

Spectre laughed this horrible fake laugh. “About me?” He sounded highly incredulous. “Whatever do you mean?”

“Last night, I woke up and noticed that you seemed… distressed whilst dreaming, you were even sucking your thumb.” Ryoken began, awkward, uncertain of how tactful that he ought to be.

“I have my eccentricities, that happens to be one of them; nothing to be concerned about.” Spectre harshly insisted with a scowl and Ryoken could see the encroaching embarrassment in his cheeks, a pink blush contrary to the cruelty of his defensive expression.

“I’m just worried that you’re hiding things from me. Even during my worst night terrors, you’ve always been patient with me. I want to show you the same kind of comfort when applicable but…” Ryoken’s impassioned reply came to a grind. “But you’ve always been very defensive when it comes to yourself. I know you don’t like people prying and prefer to do things on your terms but I want to be more proactive than that because I love you.”

Spectre huffed. “I don’t want to have this conversation right now.”

“I’m sorry.” Ryoken said, deflating visibly. “I was out of line.” 

“I’m going to tidy up and then I will decide if I want to continue this.” Spectre told Ryoken.

“And I will respect your decision.” Ryoken said but maybe that should have gone without saying.

Ryoken remained seated, stewing with a horrible feeling, whilst Spectre removed himself from the dining table and returned to the kitchen. Only when Spectre had left did Ryoken feel permitted to breathe again. His doubts had been right. It likely wasn’t anything major and now he had gone and pissed off Spectre. He felt awful. But he had made this bed, he would lie in it - with or without the closure that he craved because he was admittedly controlling like that.

Ryoken disappeared from the dining room to the master bedroom. He didn’t know where else to go in his worsening mood. He sat on the edge his half off the bed, the side closer to the window rather than the door, continuing to commiserate because he couldn’t bring himself to do anything else; anything from the reparative like having a shower like Spectre had suggested or even vaguely productive like finding some work to tinker with online. He didn’t even feel like shuffling his Duel Monsters cards in some vain effort of distracting himself from his martyr tendencies.

Spectre sighed and Ryoken pricked up immediately like a live wire. He turned around and saw Spectre standing in the doorway. He was petulant looking, holding himself in his arms.

“It’s truly nothing, Master Ryoken, but if your beating yourself up over it, the least I can do is be compliant with you.” Spectre said.

That wasn’t exactly the level of emotional honesty that Ryoken had been vying for but it was Spectre. So he supposed he ought to be grateful that he wasn’t being lied to or otherwise stalled out.

Spectre joined Ryoken on the bed. There was a little bit of distance between them and Spectre was very much keeping his hands to himself, but I was kind of nice. To have him here, beside himself. They both basked in the lukewarm morning sunshine and Spectre took a breath.

“I had a simple nightmare, to Master Ryoken. Nothing totally abnormal.” Spectre confessed but the way that he briefly clenched made Ryoken worry. “I dreamt that there was this fire. It was burning the mansion, I dreamt that I couldn’t find you. It was horrible; I… I had to abandon you and I ran away from the mansion, only to be chased by wolves; I don’t even remember what they looked like. But still, nothing out of ordinary. I know how it sounds coming from me but it’s normal to have nightmares about losing loved ones.”

“I’m sorry.” Ryoken said. “You know yourself better than me; you were right, I shouldn’t have worked myself up over nothing.”

“I appreciate that you worry for me, Master Ryoken, it’s very kind of you.” Spectre said, tears eyed, and he reached out and touched Ryoken’s hand. He held it. “Perhaps you don’t remember, perhaps I’m overstepping how much importance or impact I had on you as a subject of the Experiment but during it, if you saw me cry from the loneliness of being separated from my Mother, the only reason I ever cried during the Experiment, was when I missed her, then maybe you would have noticed that during such bawling, I would suck my thumb. A habit I never kicked and was frequently bullied for at the orphanage… Maybe seeing me suck my thumb reminded you of that and made you fear for the worst, consciously or unconsciously.”

Ryoken’s eyes widened. He did remember. The one time he saw the subject of the Earth Ignis containment room cry did consist of seeing him bawl and suck his thumb. He was the only child who had ever displayed that self soothing technique during the Incident; the others would hold their heads or hug themselves having outgrown the habit, most likely. Ryoken had never consciously thought about it until now and as such, what Spectre was saying made sense to him.

“Do you always fear the worst around me?” Ryoken tentatively asked.

Spectre was quiet. There was pain in his eyes and Ryoken was nigh distraught to notice that. He nodded very slightly. It seemed like Spectre very much wanted to shut Ryoken out for having asked that but in Spectre’s sort of bravery, he was resisting the impulse to.

“A little bit, yes.” Spectre murmured, tearful. “I’m… I’m constantly worried I’m a source of pain for you, even though you say you love me and I know you do. But I must be a very painful burden to you.”

“What do you mean?” Ryoken was scared to ask.

“I refuse to compromise my perspective and the direct effect of that refusal is that I must cause you pain. I know I’m cruel and callous but I don’t want to hurt you but given my irrefutable position, I must by virtue of maintaining it and for the sake of my own damnable integrity. I have seen firsthand how the Experiment has affected you. The guilt, the pain, the way it rules over your life and whilst I would go anywhere you walked, to aide and abide by you, my loyalty still comes from my perspective which has been hugely and irreversibly been moulded by how I experienced the Incident. I… I enjoyed the Experiment and am grateful that it gave my life meaning. It must be painful to know that, to have around me knowing that.” Spectre lamented and he began to break down into tears. He clawed at his face, terrified to be so honest. “Worse still, I never realised until somewhat recently.”

“Oh, Spectre.” Ryoken murmured. “It’s okay. I forgive you, if you’re that worried.”

He was quick to embrace Spectre after hearing that. He held Spectre tightly and reluctantly, Spectre borrowed against him, in a way. He cried onto Ryoken’s chest, ugly and sobbing. All whilst Ryoken had the miserable thoughts of Spectre being right again. He suddenly felt like he was eight years old again and hearing Spectre y’all about just how amazing and wonderful and spectacular the Hanoi Project was and being viscerally disgusted that such torture could somehow be enjoyable. 

The only difference between now and then was that Ryoken had made peace with Spectre’s eccentricities. It was true that he had been pained, even burdened, by Spectre’s confession of enjoyment as a child but Ryoken had grown. Some of that growth was perpetuated by his desire to keep Spectre close, whilst balancing his own emotions regarding that which ought keep them separated.

But would it hurt Spectre to hear that? To know that he was right; or had been, once. Ryoken was uncertain as he held him, one hand on Spectre’s face and the other on his waist; Ryoken cradling him with his arm. Awkwardly entangled whilst Spectre sobbed like he did. Ryoken had never known Spectre to cry - at least not genuinely like he was presently. So maybe now was the time to speak all sorts of truths; important truths, kind truths, miserable truths...

“I don’t have the perfect thing to say right now,” Ryoken began gently, “you have hurt me, in the past. As you fear, as you’ve just described. But the good news is, I’m strong. Isn’t that why you like me? Because you see yourself as weak?”

Spectre took a breath but apparently had nothing to say to that. Ryoken didn’t mind. He stroked Spectre’s waist. His shirt was an immeasurably soft linen, Ryoken felt.

“But I’ve long since grown past that. I admire your dedication to yourself. You walk a path I can’t fathom, that many people can’t begin to fathom, and I think it’s wonderful. I think that’s very strong.” Ryoken praised him.

“You're just being nice to me because you think you have to be...” Spectre mumbled so quiet that Ryoken almost didn’t hear him.

“You're just saying that because you're used to being alone.” Ryoken told him and he kissed Spectre’s forehead. “I love you. I want to say these things to you because I care about you.”

Spectre seemed to have stopped crying but he seemed to be guiltily enjoying having Ryoken’s undivided attention. “Thank you.” he murmured, smiling a smile which was akin to a hiccup. “I’m sorry I can be difficult.”

“Don’t be. I enjoy that you find it difficult, even impossible, to compromise who you are.” Ryoken said.

And best of all he meant it. Knowing that was the best of all for Spectre who let those kind words echo in his head. He smiled, almost innocently, to himself and something like pride - something which was certainly love - flowered in Spectre’s heart upon hearing that. He snuggled in against Ryoken’s chest and was soon mesmerised by the steady throbbing of Ryoken’s heartbeat. 


End file.
